Friday, 11 January 2008
Fish out of water
We do things our own way in Grimsby. We have our own cuisine, which steadfastly excludes garlic, spices and other "foreign muck". We have our own language, as any visitor will know who has been told "giz a pag – I'm playing togger down the Ploggers". We have our own system of government, in which nimbyocracy has been replaced by Fentyism.
And just as our communication becomes suddenly less effective when we go to another town and ask at the bar for a pint of diesel, so some of the finest footballers in Mariners shirts have failed spectacularly to fit in when they have moved on to other clubs.
Tomorrow's visitors to Blundell Park are Wrexham, who supplied one of Alan Buckley's best signings when Shaun Cunnington arrived from the Racecourse Ground in 1988. Cunnington formed a powerful midfield partnership with John Cockerill, and after five years with Town was prized away by Sunderland for £650,000 – where he managed 60-odd games in three seasons and was voted by readers of A Love Supreme fanzine into the club's "all-time misfits XI".
Much of Cunnington's career post-GTFC was spoiled by injury – but the same can't be said of another his replacement in Town's midfield, Paul Groves. Despite scoring five times in only 30 starts for West Brom, Groves was never accepted at the Hawthorns, and his signing seemed a key factor in Buckley's sacking a few months later.
Groves was a huge success back at BP, but struggled again after leaving for a second time. "Weird how the names Donovan and Groves can evoke wistful longing for better times in some fans," a York fan told me recently, "whereas they strike fear into the heart of me in recalling probably the worst City team I've seen."
Kevin Donovan had a hard time at Barnsley too, where fans rated him one of the club's worst ever signings. Speaking of players who did a turn at Oakwell, Peter Handyside looked a Scottish international in waiting while a Mariner; three years after leaving us he was playing – while still aged only 30 – for Northwich Victoria.
At this point I would mention Darren Barnard, who left the Mariners on a Bosman when we were relegated in 2004 because he didn't want to play in the fourth division – and ended up having to join Aldershot in the Conference. But he wasn't much cop when he played for us.
So if non-Grimbarians look at us blankly when we tell them we're taking our grufty cloves to the bagwash, it's clearly their fault for not speaking English properly. And if Everton think they were robbed blind when they paid us £1.75m for John Oster, well, it's not our fault if other teams don't know the right way to play football.
And just as our communication becomes suddenly less effective when we go to another town and ask at the bar for a pint of diesel, so some of the finest footballers in Mariners shirts have failed spectacularly to fit in when they have moved on to other clubs.
Tomorrow's visitors to Blundell Park are Wrexham, who supplied one of Alan Buckley's best signings when Shaun Cunnington arrived from the Racecourse Ground in 1988. Cunnington formed a powerful midfield partnership with John Cockerill, and after five years with Town was prized away by Sunderland for £650,000 – where he managed 60-odd games in three seasons and was voted by readers of A Love Supreme fanzine into the club's "all-time misfits XI".
Much of Cunnington's career post-GTFC was spoiled by injury – but the same can't be said of another his replacement in Town's midfield, Paul Groves. Despite scoring five times in only 30 starts for West Brom, Groves was never accepted at the Hawthorns, and his signing seemed a key factor in Buckley's sacking a few months later.
Groves was a huge success back at BP, but struggled again after leaving for a second time. "Weird how the names Donovan and Groves can evoke wistful longing for better times in some fans," a York fan told me recently, "whereas they strike fear into the heart of me in recalling probably the worst City team I've seen."
Kevin Donovan had a hard time at Barnsley too, where fans rated him one of the club's worst ever signings. Speaking of players who did a turn at Oakwell, Peter Handyside looked a Scottish international in waiting while a Mariner; three years after leaving us he was playing – while still aged only 30 – for Northwich Victoria.
At this point I would mention Darren Barnard, who left the Mariners on a Bosman when we were relegated in 2004 because he didn't want to play in the fourth division – and ended up having to join Aldershot in the Conference. But he wasn't much cop when he played for us.
So if non-Grimbarians look at us blankly when we tell them we're taking our grufty cloves to the bagwash, it's clearly their fault for not speaking English properly. And if Everton think they were robbed blind when they paid us £1.75m for John Oster, well, it's not our fault if other teams don't know the right way to play football.
Labels: aldershot, barnard, barnsley, buckley, cockerill, cunnington, donovan, everton, groves, handyside, northwich, oster, parochialism, smalltown, sunderland, transfers, west brom, wrexham
Friday, 30 November 2007
Booo, sort it Browns
If you're travelling by rail to tomorrow's FA Cup tie, the first thing you'll see of Huddersfield is a striking bronze statue of Harold Wilson, who was born in the town and served twice as prime minister in the 1960s and 70s. (The statue stands eight feet tall. Rumours once suggested that Russell Slade wanted it to play alongside Justin Whittle, Rob Jones and Ben Futcher in Town's defence.)
Wilson was the first media-friendly PM, cosying up to the Beatles and reeling off smile after smile after soundbite to distract the people from impending economic catastrophe. In this he bears a striking resemblance to Lennie Lawrence, the smooth-talking Town boss who told us the 2001 cup win at Liverpool was "the best result in the club's history" while his team was plunging down the league and recovering from a Chinese centre-half on £12,000 a week.
There are plenty more uncanny similarities between British prime ministers and managers of Grimsby Town. Sir Alec Douglas-Home was Wilson's foe in the 1964 general election. He may have been a doddery old Tory toff, while Nicky Law could have doubled for a terrifying nightclub doorman – but both were in the job for barely five minutes, both still managed to leave things in an even bigger mess than when they began, and people forget they both even existed until some tactless klutz reminds them. (Sorry about that.)
Between Wilson's two premierships came Edward Heath, whose spell in charge ended abruptly in 1974 as he was vanquished by striking mineworkers. Slade's term in office expired just as suddenly in Cardiff in 2006, although in this case it was his players' apparent withdrawal of labour that brought about his final defeat.
After Heath and Wilson came James Callaghan. Callaghan was a good man who took office at a bad time, overtaken by economic crisis and other events beyond his control, and lastly presided over an infamous 'winter of discontent'. It's all pretty much the same as Paul Groves really.
Callaghan lost the 1979 election to Thatcher, of course. Thatcher was driven by strong beliefs about how things should be done. She was notoriously ruthless and autocratic, and heeded no-one's opinion but her own. She stayed in charge for a long, long time. And she polarised opinion sharply between those who believed she was a great leader and those who insist to this day that she is the Antichrist. Is any of this ringing any bells?
Thatcher won three elections, too, and Buckley has won three promotions so far – but maybe there's a closer parallel for our current leader. Winston Churchill's victories out on the field of combat, after all, were all the more remarkable given the bitter opposition and in-fighting among his own supporters back home.
Wilson was the first media-friendly PM, cosying up to the Beatles and reeling off smile after smile after soundbite to distract the people from impending economic catastrophe. In this he bears a striking resemblance to Lennie Lawrence, the smooth-talking Town boss who told us the 2001 cup win at Liverpool was "the best result in the club's history" while his team was plunging down the league and recovering from a Chinese centre-half on £12,000 a week.
There are plenty more uncanny similarities between British prime ministers and managers of Grimsby Town. Sir Alec Douglas-Home was Wilson's foe in the 1964 general election. He may have been a doddery old Tory toff, while Nicky Law could have doubled for a terrifying nightclub doorman – but both were in the job for barely five minutes, both still managed to leave things in an even bigger mess than when they began, and people forget they both even existed until some tactless klutz reminds them. (Sorry about that.)
Between Wilson's two premierships came Edward Heath, whose spell in charge ended abruptly in 1974 as he was vanquished by striking mineworkers. Slade's term in office expired just as suddenly in Cardiff in 2006, although in this case it was his players' apparent withdrawal of labour that brought about his final defeat.
After Heath and Wilson came James Callaghan. Callaghan was a good man who took office at a bad time, overtaken by economic crisis and other events beyond his control, and lastly presided over an infamous 'winter of discontent'. It's all pretty much the same as Paul Groves really.
Callaghan lost the 1979 election to Thatcher, of course. Thatcher was driven by strong beliefs about how things should be done. She was notoriously ruthless and autocratic, and heeded no-one's opinion but her own. She stayed in charge for a long, long time. And she polarised opinion sharply between those who believed she was a great leader and those who insist to this day that she is the Antichrist. Is any of this ringing any bells?
Thatcher won three elections, too, and Buckley has won three promotions so far – but maybe there's a closer parallel for our current leader. Winston Churchill's victories out on the field of combat, after all, were all the more remarkable given the bitter opposition and in-fighting among his own supporters back home.
Labels: buckley, fa cup, groves, huddersfield, lawrence, politics, prime minister, slade
Friday, 21 September 2007
Bucking the trend
Last year it was Graham Rodger not having "contacts". The year before, it was Russell Slade's direct style. Go back a bit further and it was Paul Groves playing and managing at the same time, and before you know it you're back to Alan Buckley in the 1990s, whose style wasn't direct enough. The moaners and groaners among Town's support are a fashion-conscious bunch: they have to have something new every season.
The lament in vogue this autumn is that Buckley's 4-5-1 formation is 'negative' and he should switch to 4-4-2. But some people will never be happy. Last weekend against Stockport, Town used the 4-4-2 system twice in one match, and they're still complaining.
Maybe everyone would be happy if we reverted to the 2-3-5 system. This suicidally attacking formation was the cause of all those 8-3 and 9-2 scores you see in the history books, as it was favoured for some time by managers in the early 20th century, and presumably also by Kevin Keegan at Newcastle, Ossie Ardiles at Tottenham and Town and Burnley in their 'Fright Night Special' in 2002.
But the thing is, really, that the infinite tactical subtleties of a match played for 90 minutes by 22 people over an area of more than 8,000 square yards just can't be adequately expressed or understood using a blunt system of three-digit shorthand – regardless of what we might think we might think we've learned about professional sport from staying up until 4am playing Football Manager on the computer.
Or as the manager himself has more succinctly put it: "If 4-5-1 is boring then what happened when we won 6-0 at Boston?"
And the one thing that never changes about fashion is change itself. If Buckley were to play 4-4-2 for the rest of his career, the moaners and groaners would find some other reason to boo the team or stay at home.
Indeed, you could bet some of the people now asking why they should part with their hard-earned cash to watch a five-man midfield are some of the same people who used to criticise the manager during his earlier spells at the club for never deviating from his beloved 4-4-2. Perhaps they'll even run out of football reasons one day, and they'll have to move on to actual fashion, and end up posting on the messageboards about new signings being put off by the embarrassing lack of Gucci and Prada gear in the manager's wardrobe.
But you'll never find our support here at Cod Almighty tossed weakly about by the winds of fashion. Well, I mean pessimism is just so last season.
The lament in vogue this autumn is that Buckley's 4-5-1 formation is 'negative' and he should switch to 4-4-2. But some people will never be happy. Last weekend against Stockport, Town used the 4-4-2 system twice in one match, and they're still complaining.
Maybe everyone would be happy if we reverted to the 2-3-5 system. This suicidally attacking formation was the cause of all those 8-3 and 9-2 scores you see in the history books, as it was favoured for some time by managers in the early 20th century, and presumably also by Kevin Keegan at Newcastle, Ossie Ardiles at Tottenham and Town and Burnley in their 'Fright Night Special' in 2002.
But the thing is, really, that the infinite tactical subtleties of a match played for 90 minutes by 22 people over an area of more than 8,000 square yards just can't be adequately expressed or understood using a blunt system of three-digit shorthand – regardless of what we might think we might think we've learned about professional sport from staying up until 4am playing Football Manager on the computer.
Or as the manager himself has more succinctly put it: "If 4-5-1 is boring then what happened when we won 6-0 at Boston?"
And the one thing that never changes about fashion is change itself. If Buckley were to play 4-4-2 for the rest of his career, the moaners and groaners would find some other reason to boo the team or stay at home.
Indeed, you could bet some of the people now asking why they should part with their hard-earned cash to watch a five-man midfield are some of the same people who used to criticise the manager during his earlier spells at the club for never deviating from his beloved 4-4-2. Perhaps they'll even run out of football reasons one day, and they'll have to move on to actual fashion, and end up posting on the messageboards about new signings being put off by the embarrassing lack of Gucci and Prada gear in the manager's wardrobe.
But you'll never find our support here at Cod Almighty tossed weakly about by the winds of fashion. Well, I mean pessimism is just so last season.
Labels: buckley, fashion, formation, groves, miserable, rodger, slade, systems, tactics
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