Friday, 1 February 2008
A not particularly brief history of failure
I was in the north-east last weekend, wearing a Cod Almighty T-shirt, which meant I had to spend a lot of time saying "John McDermott, Grimsby Town" to people trying to work out which Newcastle player was decorating my upper body.
At one point this developed into a discussion about the original use of black and white stripes, but eventually we had to concede that neither Newcastle nor the Mariners could claim that honour and were reduced to bickering over which club was the first to have nicked their kit design from Notts County.
County, as all non-Premier League supporters know, are the oldest professional football club in the world. In 1862, when they were formed, the game was still played by toffs instead of working men, and County were known as a "gentlemen-only club". As anyone will tell you who witnessed their brutal exhibition of knees and elbows at Blundell Park in August, or indeed Jason Lee's astonishing recent tally of yellow cards, this is not a description that would readily apply today.
The Mariners, too, are older than many clubs, having been formed in 1878. Clubs such as Town and County have an extensive official chronology, encompassing well over a century in the Football League and membership of every division.
But not every club in the league can claim so proud a past. There are outfits such as Peterborough and Scunthorpe which have been members for only 40 or 50 years. And then there are Wycombe and Macclesfield and the like, who arrived even more recently. Finally there are Milton Keynes Dons, whose entire history reads: "2004 – Scandalously permitted to steal identity, players and league status of Wimbledon FC. 2006 – Relegated to fourth division."
An interesting item of history that links the two clubs meeting at Meadow Lane tomorrow concerns the number of defeats and relegations they have suffered. When Nicky Law expertly guided us to the fourth division in 2004 it was the 13th time Town had gone down. Notts are the only English professional club to have been relegated more often.
County have also lost more games in the Football League than any other club: a total of 1,716. Coming up a close second – despite being formed 16 years later – are our very own Grimsby Town with 1,710. In County's case this is largely attributable to their long history. In Town's case this is mostly attributable to the directors deciding that people like Nicky Law and Mick Lyons would make really good managers.
So be grateful for the existence of tomorrow's opponents. Their history is a long and venerable one, without which the fabric of English football would be noticeably less vibrant. And if it weren't for them, we'd be the biggest losers in the country.
At one point this developed into a discussion about the original use of black and white stripes, but eventually we had to concede that neither Newcastle nor the Mariners could claim that honour and were reduced to bickering over which club was the first to have nicked their kit design from Notts County.
County, as all non-Premier League supporters know, are the oldest professional football club in the world. In 1862, when they were formed, the game was still played by toffs instead of working men, and County were known as a "gentlemen-only club". As anyone will tell you who witnessed their brutal exhibition of knees and elbows at Blundell Park in August, or indeed Jason Lee's astonishing recent tally of yellow cards, this is not a description that would readily apply today.
The Mariners, too, are older than many clubs, having been formed in 1878. Clubs such as Town and County have an extensive official chronology, encompassing well over a century in the Football League and membership of every division.
But not every club in the league can claim so proud a past. There are outfits such as Peterborough and Scunthorpe which have been members for only 40 or 50 years. And then there are Wycombe and Macclesfield and the like, who arrived even more recently. Finally there are Milton Keynes Dons, whose entire history reads: "2004 – Scandalously permitted to steal identity, players and league status of Wimbledon FC. 2006 – Relegated to fourth division."
An interesting item of history that links the two clubs meeting at Meadow Lane tomorrow concerns the number of defeats and relegations they have suffered. When Nicky Law expertly guided us to the fourth division in 2004 it was the 13th time Town had gone down. Notts are the only English professional club to have been relegated more often.
County have also lost more games in the Football League than any other club: a total of 1,716. Coming up a close second – despite being formed 16 years later – are our very own Grimsby Town with 1,710. In County's case this is largely attributable to their long history. In Town's case this is mostly attributable to the directors deciding that people like Nicky Law and Mick Lyons would make really good managers.
So be grateful for the existence of tomorrow's opponents. Their history is a long and venerable one, without which the fabric of English football would be noticeably less vibrant. And if it weren't for them, we'd be the biggest losers in the country.
Labels: colours, franchise, history, law, losing, lyons, newcastle, notts county, relegation
Friday, 4 January 2008
All Saints, but no angels
Cheating in football takes place both on and off the field. On the field, of course, a player can take a dive to deceive the referee into awarding a penalty. And far from being frowned upon, this is now almost officially approved of.
Only this week on Match of the Day – the flagship football programme of the national public service broadcaster – a Middlesbrough forward was criticised for not cheating a penalty when the chance presented itself. "He could have been a bit clever there," said Alan Hansen, prompting an alarmed Gary Lineker to hurriedly praise the player's honesty and head off a BBC scandal that would have pushed Queenie-huff-gate and Phone-in-rip-off-gate firmly into the shade.
And if the powers that be are too weak to punish cheating on the field of play, they seem similarly unwilling or unable to deal properly with dishonesty off the pitch. Whoever said cheats never prosper reckoned without the football authorities' cowardice in declining to take firm measures against clubs who have blown on the windy side of the law – or whose approach to accountancy has been a little too creative.
Just as some Chesterfield fans refer lamely to a nearby rival as "Mans-failed", some other supporters have rechristened the Derbyshire side "Cheaterfield". This refers to the 2001 inquiry into irregularities at Saltergate surrounding transfer fees, payments to players and the reporting of attendance figures. (It's just a coincidence that Nicky Law was in charge at the time; by the time he arrived at Grimsby there were hardly any transfer fees, payments to players and attendances left to misreport.)
The Football League fined Chesterfield a crippling £20,000 and docked them a whole nine points – just enough to make sure they still got promoted. A year later Boston United's points deduction for similar misdemeanours was carried over to the following season – which made sure they still got promoted. And by the time the FA got round to punishing West Ham for the Tevez thing last season, they said it was too late to deduct points (it would have been "unfair on their fans", apparently: never mind about Watford's, Charlton's and Sheffield United's). So they stayed in the Premier League and will receive around £45m in TV money this season alone. I'd say that's fairly prosperous, wouldn't you?
And the last time Town visited Saltergate, in March 2004, Chesterfield won two penalties by "being a bit clever" and stole a 4-4 draw. At the end of the season they finished one point ahead of Town – staying up in the third division at our expense.
Many a Grimbarian, then, has already concluded that the spire at St Mary's and All Saints church isn't the only thing that's crooked around those parts. Still, at least Alan Hansen would approve.
Only this week on Match of the Day – the flagship football programme of the national public service broadcaster – a Middlesbrough forward was criticised for not cheating a penalty when the chance presented itself. "He could have been a bit clever there," said Alan Hansen, prompting an alarmed Gary Lineker to hurriedly praise the player's honesty and head off a BBC scandal that would have pushed Queenie-huff-gate and Phone-in-rip-off-gate firmly into the shade.
And if the powers that be are too weak to punish cheating on the field of play, they seem similarly unwilling or unable to deal properly with dishonesty off the pitch. Whoever said cheats never prosper reckoned without the football authorities' cowardice in declining to take firm measures against clubs who have blown on the windy side of the law – or whose approach to accountancy has been a little too creative.
Just as some Chesterfield fans refer lamely to a nearby rival as "Mans-failed", some other supporters have rechristened the Derbyshire side "Cheaterfield". This refers to the 2001 inquiry into irregularities at Saltergate surrounding transfer fees, payments to players and the reporting of attendance figures. (It's just a coincidence that Nicky Law was in charge at the time; by the time he arrived at Grimsby there were hardly any transfer fees, payments to players and attendances left to misreport.)
The Football League fined Chesterfield a crippling £20,000 and docked them a whole nine points – just enough to make sure they still got promoted. A year later Boston United's points deduction for similar misdemeanours was carried over to the following season – which made sure they still got promoted. And by the time the FA got round to punishing West Ham for the Tevez thing last season, they said it was too late to deduct points (it would have been "unfair on their fans", apparently: never mind about Watford's, Charlton's and Sheffield United's). So they stayed in the Premier League and will receive around £45m in TV money this season alone. I'd say that's fairly prosperous, wouldn't you?
And the last time Town visited Saltergate, in March 2004, Chesterfield won two penalties by "being a bit clever" and stole a 4-4 draw. At the end of the season they finished one point ahead of Town – staying up in the third division at our expense.
Many a Grimbarian, then, has already concluded that the spire at St Mary's and All Saints church isn't the only thing that's crooked around those parts. Still, at least Alan Hansen would approve.
Labels: bbc, boston, cheating, chesterfield, corruption, diving, hansen, law, lineker, match of the day, west ham
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