Friday, 8 February 2008
130 years of failure and inflatables
As we saw in this column last week, Town have a longer history than many other football clubs, but it is mostly a history of losing. In 130 years of existence the Mariners have never reached a major cup final or won the league championship. We've been relegated more times than every other professional club in England except Notts County, and they had a 16-year head start. But on the bright side, we are probably the only club whose fans sing the theme music from the Laurel and Hardy films when a group of police officers walk past.
True, this may come as scant consolation when we're losing 8-1 at Hartlepool, or when Blundell Park has prematurely emptied to the extent that when the final whistle blows there are more people on the pitch than fans left in the stands.
But before Town played at Chesterfield last month, when the Derbyshire constabulary entered the pub and looked on in sheer bafflement as a load of Grimbarians started going "deh-di-der, deh-di-der, deddle-er-der, deddle-er-der", it struck me what a fine thing it is that we have these little quirks to set us apart from all the other clubs.
So as Chesterfield arrive for the return fixture tomorrow, and probably beat us now that Jack Lester's back in the side, I've been thinking of some other things that make us unique.
Probably the best known of these is now history – that pub quiz standard about "the only team that never plays at home". Grimsby Town, but they play in Cleethorpes, see? Amazing. Then it got ruined in 2001 when Rushden & Diamonds joined the Football League, because they play in Irthlingborough. They were relegated back out of the league in 2006, but by that time Bolton Wanderers had built themselves a new ground about 12 miles outside Bolton, hence stuffing up a key aspect of Mariners uniqueness forever.
But GTFC still hold the record for the largest ever attendance at Old Trafford: 76,962 for the FA Cup semi-final against Wolves in 1939. Town have been holders of the League Group Cup for an amazing 26 years – as it has never been contested again since we won the trophy in 1982. And we're the only set of fans to have become famous for waving inflatable fish.
It's not all good stuff, though, as Town are also the only club to have sacked their most successful manager ever for drawing away at Portsmouth in the second game of the season. We all know what followed Alan Buckley's dismissal in 2000. So next time the police walk past and the Laurel and Hardy tune starts up, remember all the crimes of the Mariners' bigwigs – and how they always land us in another fine mess.
True, this may come as scant consolation when we're losing 8-1 at Hartlepool, or when Blundell Park has prematurely emptied to the extent that when the final whistle blows there are more people on the pitch than fans left in the stands.
But before Town played at Chesterfield last month, when the Derbyshire constabulary entered the pub and looked on in sheer bafflement as a load of Grimbarians started going "deh-di-der, deh-di-der, deddle-er-der, deddle-er-der", it struck me what a fine thing it is that we have these little quirks to set us apart from all the other clubs.
So as Chesterfield arrive for the return fixture tomorrow, and probably beat us now that Jack Lester's back in the side, I've been thinking of some other things that make us unique.
Probably the best known of these is now history – that pub quiz standard about "the only team that never plays at home". Grimsby Town, but they play in Cleethorpes, see? Amazing. Then it got ruined in 2001 when Rushden & Diamonds joined the Football League, because they play in Irthlingborough. They were relegated back out of the league in 2006, but by that time Bolton Wanderers had built themselves a new ground about 12 miles outside Bolton, hence stuffing up a key aspect of Mariners uniqueness forever.
But GTFC still hold the record for the largest ever attendance at Old Trafford: 76,962 for the FA Cup semi-final against Wolves in 1939. Town have been holders of the League Group Cup for an amazing 26 years – as it has never been contested again since we won the trophy in 1982. And we're the only set of fans to have become famous for waving inflatable fish.
It's not all good stuff, though, as Town are also the only club to have sacked their most successful manager ever for drawing away at Portsmouth in the second game of the season. We all know what followed Alan Buckley's dismissal in 2000. So next time the police walk past and the Laurel and Hardy tune starts up, remember all the crimes of the Mariners' bigwigs – and how they always land us in another fine mess.
Labels: bolton, buckley, chesterfield, distinctiveness, fa cup, identity, laurel and hardy, league group cup, losing, notts county, police, records, rushden, uniqueness, wolves
Friday, 1 February 2008
A not particularly brief history of failure
I was in the north-east last weekend, wearing a Cod Almighty T-shirt, which meant I had to spend a lot of time saying "John McDermott, Grimsby Town" to people trying to work out which Newcastle player was decorating my upper body.
At one point this developed into a discussion about the original use of black and white stripes, but eventually we had to concede that neither Newcastle nor the Mariners could claim that honour and were reduced to bickering over which club was the first to have nicked their kit design from Notts County.
County, as all non-Premier League supporters know, are the oldest professional football club in the world. In 1862, when they were formed, the game was still played by toffs instead of working men, and County were known as a "gentlemen-only club". As anyone will tell you who witnessed their brutal exhibition of knees and elbows at Blundell Park in August, or indeed Jason Lee's astonishing recent tally of yellow cards, this is not a description that would readily apply today.
The Mariners, too, are older than many clubs, having been formed in 1878. Clubs such as Town and County have an extensive official chronology, encompassing well over a century in the Football League and membership of every division.
But not every club in the league can claim so proud a past. There are outfits such as Peterborough and Scunthorpe which have been members for only 40 or 50 years. And then there are Wycombe and Macclesfield and the like, who arrived even more recently. Finally there are Milton Keynes Dons, whose entire history reads: "2004 – Scandalously permitted to steal identity, players and league status of Wimbledon FC. 2006 – Relegated to fourth division."
An interesting item of history that links the two clubs meeting at Meadow Lane tomorrow concerns the number of defeats and relegations they have suffered. When Nicky Law expertly guided us to the fourth division in 2004 it was the 13th time Town had gone down. Notts are the only English professional club to have been relegated more often.
County have also lost more games in the Football League than any other club: a total of 1,716. Coming up a close second – despite being formed 16 years later – are our very own Grimsby Town with 1,710. In County's case this is largely attributable to their long history. In Town's case this is mostly attributable to the directors deciding that people like Nicky Law and Mick Lyons would make really good managers.
So be grateful for the existence of tomorrow's opponents. Their history is a long and venerable one, without which the fabric of English football would be noticeably less vibrant. And if it weren't for them, we'd be the biggest losers in the country.
At one point this developed into a discussion about the original use of black and white stripes, but eventually we had to concede that neither Newcastle nor the Mariners could claim that honour and were reduced to bickering over which club was the first to have nicked their kit design from Notts County.
County, as all non-Premier League supporters know, are the oldest professional football club in the world. In 1862, when they were formed, the game was still played by toffs instead of working men, and County were known as a "gentlemen-only club". As anyone will tell you who witnessed their brutal exhibition of knees and elbows at Blundell Park in August, or indeed Jason Lee's astonishing recent tally of yellow cards, this is not a description that would readily apply today.
The Mariners, too, are older than many clubs, having been formed in 1878. Clubs such as Town and County have an extensive official chronology, encompassing well over a century in the Football League and membership of every division.
But not every club in the league can claim so proud a past. There are outfits such as Peterborough and Scunthorpe which have been members for only 40 or 50 years. And then there are Wycombe and Macclesfield and the like, who arrived even more recently. Finally there are Milton Keynes Dons, whose entire history reads: "2004 – Scandalously permitted to steal identity, players and league status of Wimbledon FC. 2006 – Relegated to fourth division."
An interesting item of history that links the two clubs meeting at Meadow Lane tomorrow concerns the number of defeats and relegations they have suffered. When Nicky Law expertly guided us to the fourth division in 2004 it was the 13th time Town had gone down. Notts are the only English professional club to have been relegated more often.
County have also lost more games in the Football League than any other club: a total of 1,716. Coming up a close second – despite being formed 16 years later – are our very own Grimsby Town with 1,710. In County's case this is largely attributable to their long history. In Town's case this is mostly attributable to the directors deciding that people like Nicky Law and Mick Lyons would make really good managers.
So be grateful for the existence of tomorrow's opponents. Their history is a long and venerable one, without which the fabric of English football would be noticeably less vibrant. And if it weren't for them, we'd be the biggest losers in the country.
Labels: colours, franchise, history, law, losing, lyons, newcastle, notts county, relegation
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